Silence is Not always so Golden!
So for the past several years as many of my closest family and friends know, I have fought long and hard to take care of my kids. Financially, mentally, spiritually, physically, and so on and so forth. In the last few months though, it feels like the world is conspiring against me to not give my kids some of the core things they so desperately need. I get that there are always people out there worse off than us...that isn't the reason for this blog tonight. The purpose of this blog is to share with whomever chooses to read it...just why my heart has been hardened and why there is so much animosity in certain relationships. Such animosity that sometimes it gets to me at such a poignant level inside that I can't focus on current tasks at hand.
Here goes...
As of today, I am owed $ 6,373.18 in child support.
$ 1,580.48 in health insurance costs
$ 739.20 in dental insurance costs
+ $ 259.12 in misc. bills
For a grand total of $ 8,951.98
Second hand sneakers...falling apart.
How is it that a father can let this much child support go by without paying? I don't care if this information is public...I don't even care if it gets into the hands of someone who feels the need to defend him. The plain and simple truth is that $6,000 of child support could have more than paid off my daughter's need for braces. It could have bought my son some nice new kicks. He has been wearing the same sneakers now for 9 months. I'd love to go out and buy him some from Olympia, or even Target for that matter. But the sad truth is that I have to budget for every dollar, every trip to the grocery store makes me want to cry.
I spent two hours in a Market Basket recently adding up the food going into my cart so as to not go over my $150.00 for 4 weeks worth of food. If you think I'm kidding, please don't. I was near tears as I saw other people laughing and smiling and rounding their carts with bulk packages and mass quantities of just about everything that they are probably able to freeze and section apart. These are not the wealthy elite I am referring to, but instead they are food stamp recipients. Giddy, happy, mostly obese food stampers...most likely lifers! (For those of you about to jump down my throat for chastising people on food stamps...save yourself the angry keyboard typing.) I used to be on food stamps myself. Back when I was in school and the ex was unemployed. But it was temporary...it was always known that it would only be for a little while. I was embarrassed, mortified really to hand those stupid paper dollars
to the clerks. But, I am referring to the spirit with which these people were shopping, and it just stabbed a stake right through my core. I used to be happy getting groceries, I used to be passionate about cooking, and making good treats for my kids. It's sad to say that I can't afford to do that anymore.
My kids are fed three healthy meals a day...don't get me wrong. But if you dare...try on your next shopping trip to buy 4 weeks of groceries on only $150 bucks! For three people! It's not easy...and when I look at the price of a bucket of strawberries, or watermelon, and have to decide to either get meat or veggies or fruit...it sucks. So I just imagine what life would be like for me and my kids if there actually were legit help on a consistent basis from a caring father. I'd be willing to say that their lunch boxes would be fuller (can't afford school lunches) and they would have much healthier options for snacks than just things like popcorn and crackers.
What is wrong with this twisted picture that people can mass produce children and not be held accountable for helping to take care of them? What is wrong with this twisted picture that people can "not work" and get more money per month for their groceries than a single mom working her tail off to make the two ends meet. I don't know what I would do if I ever had the two ends overlap far enough to tie a knot?! Imagine how beautiful that knot would look,
how secure and safe it would make me feel. I don't EVER count on getting any money from him, so it's not as if I budget for his child support and then have to readjust. I just don't even bother looking for it at all. Then if a ten dollar check comes (last payment was in december of 2012), it's a shock! So long story short, my mind is befuddled with so many things right now. I feel anger and bitterness towards him that he can't help his children to get their basic needs. It's called a full time job...perhaps it's high time he try it!
"Life's not fair." I have heard it a million times. Yes. I agree...life is not fair.
"Thing's could always be worse." Yes. You would be right...but they aren't (for now).
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." True. However, first I'd have to have a horse...which costs $$!
The list could go on. I am not trying to be negative or sorrowful sally...but I just feel like he wins every time. I know in the long run he will have to pay it eventually...however the kids NEED things now. They need dental work, they have medical bills I am trying to pay, they need shoes, they need healthy foods.
Maine needs to up their game in regards to collecting child support arrears. I'd love to see something like this in Maine.
Who do I need to write to in order for this to happen? Senators? Governors? Obama? I don't care who I'd have to approach...there needs to be better laws regarding deadbeat parents. Parents who don't try...parents who just don't care to try harder.
So, I am filing a motion to enforce. He has been served, and hopefully the judge won't buy his excuses about why he can't work. You never know going into a courtroom how a judge will react. Will he look poorly on me because I am pushing the courts to do something? Will he think I am worrying too much? Will he think I am making this up because the ex is a liar? Who knows! But the one thing I will never forget my Battered Women's Advocate telling me when we were going in for a protection hearing. "Don't let him make you feel inferior. As soon as he does that, he's shut you down. Keep your head up...look that a$$hole in the eyes and tell the judge everything you can."
I am typically a shy/reserved person. So that bit of advice was a big pill to swallow. I used to shake, tear up, get sweaty hands, throw up and want to hide when I would have to go to court against him. While in the courthouse, (after he had a big blow up with a different girl in the court house) they always had to put us both in two different rooms because they couldn't trust his actions. Ridiculous really!
Today was not a good day, one that I thought about a lot of things for a majority of the day. I have felt very protective today...more so than other days. Mainly because that is the one thing I can do, and do it very well. I also will put it out there that people shouldn't talk about things they don't know. I left that small town because of so many reasons. Gossiping being one. But when his sister begins discussing my life and my actions in a public place such as her job...that's not ok. My friend told her it wasn't the time or place to be having that conversation. I told her to report it to her manager if she does it again. She won't work there for long. So that is the other reason I am writing this. If people are gonna talk about it...they might as well have the facts. In case people can't read between the lines...here they are in a bulleted list.
Here goes...
As of today, I am owed $ 6,373.18 in child support.
$ 1,580.48 in health insurance costs
$ 739.20 in dental insurance costs
+ $ 259.12 in misc. bills
For a grand total of $ 8,951.98
Second hand sneakers...falling apart.
How is it that a father can let this much child support go by without paying? I don't care if this information is public...I don't even care if it gets into the hands of someone who feels the need to defend him. The plain and simple truth is that $6,000 of child support could have more than paid off my daughter's need for braces. It could have bought my son some nice new kicks. He has been wearing the same sneakers now for 9 months. I'd love to go out and buy him some from Olympia, or even Target for that matter. But the sad truth is that I have to budget for every dollar, every trip to the grocery store makes me want to cry.I spent two hours in a Market Basket recently adding up the food going into my cart so as to not go over my $150.00 for 4 weeks worth of food. If you think I'm kidding, please don't. I was near tears as I saw other people laughing and smiling and rounding their carts with bulk packages and mass quantities of just about everything that they are probably able to freeze and section apart. These are not the wealthy elite I am referring to, but instead they are food stamp recipients. Giddy, happy, mostly obese food stampers...most likely lifers! (For those of you about to jump down my throat for chastising people on food stamps...save yourself the angry keyboard typing.) I used to be on food stamps myself. Back when I was in school and the ex was unemployed. But it was temporary...it was always known that it would only be for a little while. I was embarrassed, mortified really to hand those stupid paper dollars
My kids are fed three healthy meals a day...don't get me wrong. But if you dare...try on your next shopping trip to buy 4 weeks of groceries on only $150 bucks! For three people! It's not easy...and when I look at the price of a bucket of strawberries, or watermelon, and have to decide to either get meat or veggies or fruit...it sucks. So I just imagine what life would be like for me and my kids if there actually were legit help on a consistent basis from a caring father. I'd be willing to say that their lunch boxes would be fuller (can't afford school lunches) and they would have much healthier options for snacks than just things like popcorn and crackers.
What is wrong with this twisted picture that people can mass produce children and not be held accountable for helping to take care of them? What is wrong with this twisted picture that people can "not work" and get more money per month for their groceries than a single mom working her tail off to make the two ends meet. I don't know what I would do if I ever had the two ends overlap far enough to tie a knot?! Imagine how beautiful that knot would look, how secure and safe it would make me feel. I don't EVER count on getting any money from him, so it's not as if I budget for his child support and then have to readjust. I just don't even bother looking for it at all. Then if a ten dollar check comes (last payment was in december of 2012), it's a shock! So long story short, my mind is befuddled with so many things right now. I feel anger and bitterness towards him that he can't help his children to get their basic needs. It's called a full time job...perhaps it's high time he try it!
"Life's not fair." I have heard it a million times. Yes. I agree...life is not fair.
"Thing's could always be worse." Yes. You would be right...but they aren't (for now).
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." True. However, first I'd have to have a horse...which costs $$!
The list could go on. I am not trying to be negative or sorrowful sally...but I just feel like he wins every time. I know in the long run he will have to pay it eventually...however the kids NEED things now. They need dental work, they have medical bills I am trying to pay, they need shoes, they need healthy foods.
Maine needs to up their game in regards to collecting child support arrears. I'd love to see something like this in Maine.
Who do I need to write to in order for this to happen? Senators? Governors? Obama? I don't care who I'd have to approach...there needs to be better laws regarding deadbeat parents. Parents who don't try...parents who just don't care to try harder.
So, I am filing a motion to enforce. He has been served, and hopefully the judge won't buy his excuses about why he can't work. You never know going into a courtroom how a judge will react. Will he look poorly on me because I am pushing the courts to do something? Will he think I am worrying too much? Will he think I am making this up because the ex is a liar? Who knows! But the one thing I will never forget my Battered Women's Advocate telling me when we were going in for a protection hearing. "Don't let him make you feel inferior. As soon as he does that, he's shut you down. Keep your head up...look that a$$hole in the eyes and tell the judge everything you can."
I am typically a shy/reserved person. So that bit of advice was a big pill to swallow. I used to shake, tear up, get sweaty hands, throw up and want to hide when I would have to go to court against him. While in the courthouse, (after he had a big blow up with a different girl in the court house) they always had to put us both in two different rooms because they couldn't trust his actions. Ridiculous really!
Today was not a good day, one that I thought about a lot of things for a majority of the day. I have felt very protective today...more so than other days. Mainly because that is the one thing I can do, and do it very well. I also will put it out there that people shouldn't talk about things they don't know. I left that small town because of so many reasons. Gossiping being one. But when his sister begins discussing my life and my actions in a public place such as her job...that's not ok. My friend told her it wasn't the time or place to be having that conversation. I told her to report it to her manager if she does it again. She won't work there for long. So that is the other reason I am writing this. If people are gonna talk about it...they might as well have the facts. In case people can't read between the lines...here they are in a bulleted list.
- I am owed about $9,000 buckaroos in child support and insurance costs
- I am sickened by food stamp lifers who make my efforts to keep a full time job look like a joke
- I wish Maine had better Child Support Laws
- I am filing a Motion to Enforce to get some of the arrears paid
- I don't give two hoots what people think anymore...and I will speak my mind about it if I feel like it...Isn't that the first amendment or something? ;)
So to those still reading...God bless you!
Love your babies...if you're a single parent...love them even more! (and then fight like hell to get them what they need!)
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